by rossanahead | Apr 28, 2011 | family, woman
By Jane Santos Guinto
One thing the University of the Philippines taught me is that life is full of contradictions. There are always opposing forces. There’s certainly no one way of viewing things.
This is how I’ve come to understand my mother’s bipolarity. She was diagnosed in 1986, a year after my father’s tragic death at 30.
At 6 years old, the words ‘psychiatrist,’ ‘nervous breakdown,’ ‘manic depressive,’ and ‘antidepressant’ had become part of my functioning vocabulary. For over 20 years, I would accompany her to the psychiatrist once a month, every three months, every six months, every year–depending on how things were.
“Poor Jane” was a common expression among relatives and friends.
Today, Mama has been off medication for close to a year. Even after having had a mastectomy and four bouts of chemotherapy three years ago, she continues to work full-time for the Supreme Court, attends weekly prayer meetings, and shops at Forever21. She’s almost never absent or late for work, even when she has cough or colds or even when there’s a typhoon coming.
I wonder sometimes if we had been wrong about treating her bipolarity as a curse instead of a charm.
Even when she was on antipsychotic drugs and talking in roundabouts half the time, she has always seemed to be very sure of what she wanted in life:
1. The best education for her 2 children
2. Her own money
3. Up-to-date clothes
While she could be very smothering at times, she could also be very stern. I remember on my first year of high school, she didn’t speak to me all the way home after getting my first quarter report card. Although I had above-average grades on all other subjects, I had barely passed Sibika at Kultura (Social Studies)–a subject she had excelled in since grade school. From that time on, I made sure I got good grades, even in subjects I disliked.
While her words can be hurtful and mean sometimes, her actions speak louder. She gets up at three in the morning to clean my van, get the washing machine going, and cook breakfast. She quarrels with her siblings over yahoogroups.com and yet, every year (in good times or bad) she gets every one of them a Christmas gift.
Indeed, we have a choice of how we’d see life. As others would see trips to the psychiatrist a dreadful chore for a child, I saw them as learning sessions. Debating with psychiatrists even before I hit my teens was good training for work.
As others choose to see my mom as a bit loony, I choose to see her as the best.
by rossanahead | Apr 26, 2011 | children, family, Karen Galarpe, parenting, woman
By Karen Galarpe
I felt it first early this month when I woke up at past 6 in the morning with the sunlight peeking through the blinds. Ah…it’s summer. And what a glorious day: I had 8 hours of sleep and no one had to rush that morning!
For years whenever it’s school season, I would wake up at 5 a.m. while it’s still dark outside to have a few minutes of quiet time before my son wakes up for school.
Then the frenzy starts as breakfast and baon for recess and lunch are prepared, schoolbag is checked, missing items searched for, both student and driver (me at times) get dressed, etc.
After the mad rush, it’s fulfilling to have my son out the door in time to make it to class without being late.
Some years ago, I interviewed an American psychologist who was a guidance counselor at an international school in Manila. And she said there are three times in a day when parents should be around as much as possible for their children: one, when a child leaves for school; two, when a child comes home from school; and three, when a child is about to go to bed.
Busy parents may not have the luxury of time to be there at all three times, but two is good, and one is better than zero.
So, back to summer. With school out, it’s a more laid-back lifestyle for moms, with time to read, play with the dogs, check out new places, catch up on sleep, and just relax–in the cool company of one’s kids. The living is easy. Life is good. Enjoy summer!
by rossanahead | Apr 25, 2011 | children, family, parenting, Ruth M. Floresca, woman
By Ruth Manimtim-Floresca
“Clouds that move across the skies are changing form before our very eyes…Have we outgrown our Peter Pans and wings? We’ve simply grown too old for tales of knights and kings. Cause life’s a constant change and nothing stays the same …”
I have always loved Jose Mari Chan’s compositions – they’re so poetic, very meaningful, and have wonderful melodies. My roommate in college had Chan’s albums and I would often borrow them to listen and unwind to. Up to now, thanks to his soothing voice and beautiful music, I feel peaceful every time I hear his songs. The poet in me appreciates the way he had strung words together to come up with thought-provoking lines.
Often I would find myself mulling over the lyrics of “Constant Change.” There is so much truth behind those words. More and more, I see grownups no longer having time to enjoy the simple things in life; adults who wouldn’t dare have fun walking under the rain without an umbrella or people over their 20’s who would never let themselves be caught sitting on a park swing flying with such joyous abandon. Nowadays, most grownups seem content to lead their busy lives, acting on what they think of as adult behavior and missing out on a lot!
I’ve found out that having kids is one great way to relive one’s childhood. In fact, I know people who became more laidback and “cool” when they got to be parents. As the song says, we shouldn’t let go of the capacity to have fun in childlike ways. In my case, enjoyment of life didn’t diminish but was amplified when my four sons entered the world.
To date, I can proudly say I know around 50 or so Barney songs. I can recite the titles of shows (and even sing their theme songs!) in most of the cable kiddie channels. Quiz me about Spongebob and High School Musical and I’d probably answer everything correctly. And yes, I tap my toes too when my teenagers listen to songs by Boys Like Girls or Hale, and whenever they watch Glee. I can even beat them on some computer games!
A friend of mine and her husband take time during weekends to play games like patintero with their three children. From what I see, they are a family whose bonding got better and better because the kids know that their parents understand them and are willing to go down to kid-level to show their love.
Sure, we do change. Everyone changes. But wouldn’t we be happier to go changing for the better without losing sight of the things we enjoyed when we were children? Lick an ice cream cone, turn cartwheels, or giggle like a preschooler. Bring out that child inside of you right now. No matter your age, you will never be too old not to be able to! In return, I’ll bet you’ll get to smile more often. I do.
by rossanahead | Apr 24, 2011 | career, Education, woman
By Lilia Vengco
Teaching has always been my passion. I started teaching right after graduation many years ago. To this day, I continue to teach and share my knowledge about teaching as an art and a skill to young adults who have chosen to take the path to teaching hearts and molding young minds.
While I no longer handle regular classes, my many years of teaching and administering have deepened my commitment to train young teachers to become better. Doing so has kept me in touch with teachers and school leaders and while I advance in age, I have kept my heart young for these groups of people who share my passion.
In my many years of being a teacher and a school administrator, I have encountered some exceptional teachers along the way who have inspired me and a few terrible ones who probably convinced me that I should do better. I moved on in my chosen ministry and no matter what obstacles came my way with constant prayers I succeeded.
What a joy it is to hear former students greet me anywhere I meet them. And indeed, I meet them everywhere. I meet them when I go to the malls, in church, at the park, at the train station, on the streets, and even on an airplane. These are my rewards.
I believe that becoming an educator has to be a decision that comes from the heart. I am grateful for having been part of the religious, educational community of the Christian Brothers who taught me how to nurture, how to be compassionate, how to love and care for one another, and most of all how to be Christian. I treasure all these in my heart wherever I go. What I am now is the result of the nurturing I experienced with the Christian Brothers.
As I look back and reminisce those wonderful days, I feel a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction. I feel blessed for having been given the opportunity to serve others through teaching.
I strongly encourage young people to join the teaching ministry. It is such a noble vocation that is enriched by the lives of the young people it serves. Nothing is more rewarding than to see young ones grow and develop to be productive citizens and to hear words of gratitude from young teachers and from fellow administrators who aspire to become better.
Yes, it is great to be a teacher!
Lilia Vengco is the former principal of La Salle Greenhills and the pioneering principal of La Salle Canlubang. She is a lecturer at Ahead Tutorial and Review Center and Ahead Professional Network.
by rossanahead | Apr 23, 2011 | children, Education, family, Gina Abuyuan, parenting, woman
By Gina Abuyuan
Many people find it strange—nay, downright unbelievable—that my ex-husband and I are on good terms. As I wrote in one of my old magazines, it’s almost impossible to salvage positive feelings about a person who has caused you unimaginable pain.
For a time, even my fiancé, believing that it would be in my best interest, thought I should cut off all ties with my ex-husband.
It’s impossible, of course, considering we have twin boys between us, and I’d like him to be a part of the twins’ lives and vice versa. Besides, there’s the practical stuff like tuition fees, medical expenses, and extra-curricular activities to discuss—so wouldn’t things be easier if everyone just got along nicely?
I quote Brooke Burke of ModernMom.com when she talks of her own relationship with her ex: “We decided to take the high road for the kids.”
Two years ago, I coined a term for this sort of relationship: “co-parenting.” Does everyone believe in this? No. Is it for everyone? No. But if you’d like to try and make things easier for you, your ex-spouse, and your kids, here are three jump off points:
Get third party help. Both of you should see a psychologist, therapist, counselor, or join a self-development workshop or seminar (don’t get addicted, though, or else the seminars will drive your life, and leave you dependent and disempowered). I recommend Bicbic Medez of the RCW Foundation (which also has short courses on re-grouping and getting clear on where you want to take your life). Call (2) 436-0710 or 426-6832or visit www.rcwfi.org for more details. Maribel Dionisio of The Love Institute (loveinstitute.multiply.com) can also help. As the organization’s name connotes, it helps couples and families heal, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll try to get you and your ex back together. Just be honest and open about what kind of relationship you’d like to re-create.
Take charge of the transformation. The real change has to come from within you. My ex-husband and I had countless fights and misunderstandings before achieving this sense of harmony and peace. Those blow-ups began because we felt the other was over-stepping boundaries, assuming the worst of the other, and thinking the one “should’ve known” or “should’ve known better.” Remember, the issues you’re supposed to be focusing on now aren’t about the two of you: they’re about your kids. Let me be extreme about it: Talk like you’re talking business, but learn to negotiate nicely. Get sticky issues like expenses, schooling, schedules/holidays out of the way. But learn to be flexible too.
Agree on the non-negotiables. Here are some things you can let slide: what foods they’ll eat, what they wear, what sports they take up. Here are some of the things my ex-husband and I will not budge on: a holistic, exceptional education and life experiences, their freedom to explore their spirituality later on, addressing immediately any circumstance or individual that hurts them (e.g., on two occasions, I let go of two drivers, on the spot, within minutes of learning they made my kids cry—the first, by driving too fast and the second, by cracking a cruel joke. I didn’t even allow them back in the house or subdivision to pack up their things). Harsh? Maybe. But we want to reassure them that though Mommy and Tatay are no longer married, we’re still part of the same team when it comes to them.
