by rossanahead | Jul 21, 2011 | career, children, family, Gina Abuyuan, parenting, woman
By Regina Abuyuan
Readers of this blog who are connected with me through Facebook have probably been keeping tabs on the latest adventure of my wonky life. With D and another friend, R, I recently opened a pub in Cubao X. It’s called Fred’s (after D’s grandfather, a drinking stalwart who was also into cigars; coincidentally, R’s and my maternal grandfathers were also named Fred, and both carried their drink and smokes more than well). It’s been weeks of very late nights (er, early mornings) for me, which had me behind the bar serving drinks, wiping down tables, and cleaning ashtrays. I have great respect for waitresses and barmaids now. Their job is exhausting and murder on the feet and legs.
For more than a week straight, I packed my kids off to my mom’s (God bless grandmas!), and prayed they wouldn’t be any trouble.
They were.
Well, at least my twins were. My daughter behaved as she always does—responsible, quiet, obedient. My absence had taken its toll on the twins. My mom and her househelp tell me they frequently fight, watch too much TV, and fall asleep with the TV on. One day, when I had nicked enough time to drive by and check on them, they exasperatedly said, in unison: “Finally!”
When I got ready to leave again, Mateo handed me the piece of origami he had made (he likes making me these things; my bedside table is littered with them). “I made this for you, Mommy.”
My heart almost broke with guilt.
Their teachers have told me their behavior has changed in school, as well. Mateo’s on the verge of being a bully; Marco is his usual cool self—but probably more cool than expected, which is also reason for alarm.
I swore I would never allow myself to feel this way again, to let any situation let me feel this way again. But the universe likes to play jokes on us sometimes, and just as we think we’re free, an opportunity comes where we have to give up something to attain something. I feel especially guilty because the twins have gotten the brunt of these choices; the first was when I was putting up a new magazine when they were only three years old, and now, this.
Is it worth it, you may ask? I don’t know yet. But at least now, being part-owner of something I created, I also have the power to choose how much time I put in our venture, and how much control I’m willing to take—or give up.
I’ve not had a late night in the pub since Friday, and I attended the twins’ emergency preparedness workshop on Saturday (another advocacy I’m involved in). I’m trying to regain what I lost over the past weeks: Balance. It’s what all mothers strive for. It’s the law of the universe; the law of Mother Nature herself, who knows just how and when to tip the scales this way and that.
Wish me luck!
by rossanahead | Jul 19, 2011 | children, family, parenting, woman
By Catherine Deen
Like most first-time parents, my husband and I were extremely protective of our firstborn. During his first three years of life, he slept with us in the master bedroom. From a crib, he graduated to our bed, then later on, to a small fold-out bed of his own. While he had a room of his own, which housed his toys, books, clothes, and other items, his bed was stored and used in our room.
Although not uncommon, this is a less-than-ideal sleeping arrangement for many families. Yes, we may have saved on electric bills since we only needed to use one air conditioner, but it did not create an independent spirit in our son. This sleeping arrangement also resulted in our personal loss of privacy and couple time. As you can imagine, neither my husband nor I appreciated this.
When our son turned three, my husband and I discussed how to transition him into sleeping in his own room. We were very concerned about separation anxiety and thought carefully about how to implement the transition. Ultimately, we decided to turn the experience into a “surprise,” hoping that the “fun factor” would assist in the transition process.
First, we cleaned his room. Second, we secured his bed prominently in his room, strategically placing some of his favorite toys on the bed. Third, we put up educational posters—numbers, letters, good manners, parts of the body, and others—around his room. When the room was finally ready, we called him up and nervously announced, “Son, welcome to your room!”
We were busy preparing a surprise but the surprise was on us! Imagine our amazement when our son responded, “Oh my! I had been dreaming of having my own room!” He then proceeded to enter and OWN his room!
My husband and I looked at each other, dumbfounded. The whole time, we thought our son would have a hard time, but as it turned out, he had been ready and waiting for it for a long time.
That evening, our son slept in his room all by himself and without supervision. There was no need to even stay with him to lull him to sleep. Our little man was ready to be by himself. Throughout the night, we found ourselves a bit lonely in our room without our son. Laughable as it may seem, we found ourselves going back and forth from our bedroom to his to check on him several times that evening.
In this scenario, who had separation anxiety?! Ironically, it was not the son but the parents!
This significant parenting experience taught me one of the greatest lessons in parenting that I still practice today. Indeed, our primary role as parents is to prepare our children to face life on their own and not to overprotect them. Many times, we fear for our children’s safety and security. But, can we truly guarantee that? No. Cliché as it sounds, parenting is truly like a slightly open palm—not too tight to become stifling overprotection, yet not too loose to develop irresponsible freedom.
by rossanahead | Jul 16, 2011 | career, children, family, parenting, woman
By Maridol Ranoa-Bismark
Since she retired early this year, my 75-year-old balikbayan mom has been staying with me in the house she helped build with her hard-earned money. The set-up is not as easy as you’d think. She left for the States right after I got married, figuring that my then new husband will take over the duties she used to fulfill for me. That’s a good 20 years of learning how to run a household, finding out the shortest route from my office in Manila to my house in Quezon City, raising my son, dealing with my husband and in-laws, etc.
It was a time of learning the ropes of motherhood, balancing family and career, and dealing with office intrigues on my own. I learned to hold my breath while navigating the flood waters of Espana, shut my mouth when the boss woke up at the wrong side of the bed, fight for my rights as a wife, go to the moviehouse alone, and drive home in the early dawn hours all on my own.
And then my mom returns to mother me all over again. She makes me eat soda crackers just before I leave the house for work, asks me where I’m going every morning, and fetches me from work in the evening. After 20 years of being on my own, I want to scream, “No more! I’m a big girl now, thank you!”
I think she feels the same way about me as well. I ask her if she has enough money left in the bank for her needs and she protests, “Oh, but I deposited that money so I can spend it while I’m here!”
Very well, case closed.
I caution her against eating too much pork and `sinful’ food, and she shoots back, “It’s OK. I don’t do this often. And I don’t get to taste kare-kare anymore in the States.”
I offer to escort her in the nearby mall where she wants to have a hair cut and she says she can do it on her own. I assure her that I will pay for the cost of a paint job in her room, and she says it can wait until she comes home again for the Christmas holidays.
I guess my mom is as stubborn as I am, but I still don’t get it.
Or perhaps we’ve grown so apart the past 20 years we were away from each other that we scarcely know each other anymore. She has adopted the American way of relying on Western medicine for osteoporosis, arthritis, and even the common cold. I believe in resting to suppress the common cold, overloading on bananas to preserve my eyesight, and drinking milk to strengthen my bones.
But I dutifully swallow the pills she lays down on my plate every morning and I haven’t gotten sick despite my killer schedule. She doesn’t withdraw from the bank every now and then because I will frown at her when I learn about it.
I grudgingly go to the salon and have my hair and nails done because she believes it gives me `personality.’ Personality? Duh?
It’s give and take. And I guess my mom is learning from me the way I’m learning from her. We may be reluctant to admit it, even to ourselves, but we’re adjusting to each other. Why, I even catch myself speaking like her!
In time, I know we’ll get used to each other again. And our 20-year absence in each other’s lives will vanish, like raindrops on a sunny day. After all, she is my mother. And as cheesy as it may sound, I love her. So I bend backwards and I know she does, too.
And guess what? This bending backwards between us will never stop, osteoporosis be damned!
by rossanahead | Jul 14, 2011 | children, Education, family, parenting, Ruth M. Floresca
By Ruth Manimtim-Floresca
Life is one big classroom. I have always believed that learning is not, and should never be, confined inside the school setting alone. The same goes for the pursuit of excellence. Not making it to the honor roll doesn’t mean a child can’t excel in other areas.
Personally, I am not too keen on putting too much pressure on my kids to earn medals and get high grades in their report cards. Yes, I encourage them to do their best but I don’t feel overly disappointed when they score lower than expected in exams or don’t come home with accolades after a scholastic competition.
What I better want to see in my children is the genuine enthusiasm to pursue their passions and hone their skills, academic or otherwise. My eldest son has already shown so much potential in the field of visual arts when he was just a mere toddler. He continued to focus on that as he was growing up. When he decided to take up Digital Media Arts as his college course, my husband and I gladly gave our full support. In the span of a few weeks since he entered school last year, our firstborn’s transformation from being a high school student getting average grades to becoming an excelling freshman in college was amazing! Now free from the high school subjects he thought were utterly boring, I’ve seen how eager my son now tackles his assignments and projects because they are in line with the things he truly wants to do.
My other two sons, on the other hand, showed a lot of promise when it comes to writing around three years ago. They were invited to write for Manila Bulletin’s Funpage section and have been contributing articles there ever since. I feel very blessed that these kids were given that chance to already show what they can do at an early age. To help them hone the writing craft, I make sure I provide them with books and magazines they’d like to read and provide guidance when they are writing their drafts. I also remind them every now and then that becoming a good writer always starts with being an avid reader.
When parents nurture a child’s God-given gifts at home through constant encouragement and ample attention, the knowledge and skills as well as the discipline and determination he gains will eventually become a way of life, radiating towards everything else he does.
In my opinion, that’s already one big step towards reaching the top of the class called life.
![Quality vs Quantity]()
by rossanahead | Jul 12, 2011 | children, Education, family, Gina Abuyuan, parenting
By Regina Abuyuan
The first time I heard about the proposed K-12 system of education being implemented here, I almost balked. What stopped me was that I was sitting across a senator who was clearly in favor of it. His steely glare told me to quiet down or he would leave our one-on-one.
The worst kinds of mistakes are usually knee-jerk reactions to age-old problems that need analysis, time, critical thinking, and effort to solve.
Where do I start? A paper by Abraham Felipe and Caroline Porio (“Length of School Cycle and Quality of Education”) starts out citing entrepreneurs’ “anecdotal evidence” of Filipinos’ dismal performance with requirements, and relates it to the quality of education. It goes on to cite our low scores in TIMSS (Trends in International Mathematics and Science Study), attributing it to our short educational cycles. The graph and analysis accompanying the paper debunks this, though:
“…The lower left hand corner is the region for low performing countries with short preschool education sub-cycles [6]. Note that the Philippines is somewhere in the lower left hand corner but is appreciably higher than South Africa which is the lowest. Note also that a short preschooling does not condemn a country’s 8th graders to dullness. South Korea has the same length of preschooling as the Philippines but is one of the top performers in TIMSS. At the same time, other countries had longer preschooling (e.g., Ghana, Morocco, 2 years; Botswana, Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, 3 years) but lower TIMSS scores.
In the comparable chart for 4th graders (Figure 2), one can note similar observations. South Korea (the top-notcher for 8th graders) did not participate; hence, its 4th graders had no TIMSS records. Australia had a respectable TIMSS score even if it has only one year of preschooling. On the other, Morocco (2 years of preschool), Norway (3 years), and Armenia and Slovenia (both 4 years) had lower scores than Australia.
“Long sub-cycles have been believed to contribute to higher achievement. This notion is clearly wrong in the cases of elementary cycle data. In Figures 3 and 4, the test scores of the Philippines which has a 6-year elementary cycle was lower than the test scores of all 13 countries with shorter elementary cycles (Russia, Armenia, Latvia, Slovak Republic, Slovenia, Hungary, Bulgaria, Serbia, Romania, Moldova, Italy, Egypt and Iran). The only exception was the case of 8th grade tests for Palestine.”
Clearly, the quantity or length of education is not the problem here—it is the quality of the education, which of course spirals into a chicken-and-egg debate about budgets allotted for teachers, classrooms, heck, even chalk and chairs. While I am no economist and cannot spout figures off the top of my head, I do know that parents play just as important a role in nurturing a child’s mind and his desire to learn.
I was a teacher for one semester, and it took all my patience and willpower to not fling the chairs at the students for not wanting to read, not hungering for more knowledge. I assigned them short stories, asked them to read it in class, and tell me, right after they read it, what the paragraph was about. Ninety-nine percent of them could not. And these were college kids!
The child takes cues from his parents. If he sees that education—learning—is an integral part of his parents’ lives, he’ll pick it up naturally as well. If he sees that his parents are “living curious,” to borrow a phrase from Nat Geo, then he will, too.
My twins go to the Center for Blended Learning, a school where the teacher to student ratio is 1:2, and where different approaches to teaching are used, not just the traditional blackboard-homework stuff. They finished first grade in around seven months. They’re looking to finish both second and third grade this year.
While most don’t have access to this kind of schooling, I have to emphasize the importance of my involvement and presence in their learning. School isn’t just a place where I dump ‘em off in the morning. It’s a partnership with the teachers to know where they might need help or reinforcement, or when they are doing well.
That said, I think the government and teachers need to seriously re-think their roles in giving Filipino children quality education. A longer education cycle will not work if the focus is still on rote and not understanding, on blind submissiveness than critical thinking, on the desire to merely pass rather than the value of learning, on the desire to achieve rather than the desire to make a difference.
The K-12 scheme is just another salve to patch over our deeply-rooted, flawed views on education. Just like PNoy’s Social Contract with the Filipino People, it is an impressively put together proposal that’s nothing but pretty words and loose promises. The Filipino needs more than changes based on anecdotes and comments. Change has to start from the inside-out, not the outside-in. It’s not the obvious what that has to be tackled, but the profound why.
by rossanahead | Jul 6, 2011 | children, family, parenting, Ruth M. Floresca, woman
By Ruth M. Floresca
“I don’t think I can, or will ever attempt to, do that!” I thought again and again in between gasps of awe and wonder at the mind-blowing feats being performed on stage during Cirque du Soleil’s Varekai.
It amazes me that there are people like them willing to risk bodily harm for the sake of art. On the other hand, if there are no brave individuals like them, breathtaking shows like Varekai wouldn’t be here today.
Still, I prefer to be engaged in activities that won’t require me to exert too much effort that may cause me physical aches and pains. I guess this is probably why I am a bit wary every time I’m asked to do certain forms of exercise hahaha. Thankfully, my adventurous spirit usually overcomes my fears and I get persuaded to give things a try.
But I have my limitations. I refuse to have anything to do with activities that involve heights without any security straps involved. Years ago, I trekked up a mountain and to the edge of a waterfall in Puerto Galera with hubby and our friends. All of them jumped to the cool waters below. I chose to scramble back down the steep ravine holding on to protruding rocks and trailing vines, all the while scolding my husband for coercing me to come with them in the first place.
We all have strengths and weaknesses. Among my kids, two can be convinced to try daring rides in amusement parks while one will always refuse to do so regardless of the heckling he gets from his brothers. In terms of abilities, one prefers doing artworks cooped up in their room rather than go biking outside with his siblings.
I let them be. I am of the belief that parents can only do so much to influence their kids in finding their passions. We just have to wait and see what paths they’ll choose for themselves. They will discover their niche and discern where they’re really good at sooner or later.
As for me, I am open to trying out new stuff every now and then. Just don’t make me do sky jumping or swing from a flying trapeze. I leave those to people who really love doing them.
