by rossanahead | Sep 7, 2011 | Education, Gina Abuyuan, woman
By Regina Abuyuan
Around mid-2004, I did the unthinkable: I joined a self-enhancement seminar.
Before I actually signed up, though, I went through the usual motions: denial that I needed it; balking at the price; and scoffing at the too-happy, seemingly too-confident people who gave their testimonials. “Interesting,” I thought. “But not for me.”
Curiosity and a good deal on the terms of payment made me register eventually, and in two months, I was sitting with a group of a hundred or so people, eager to discover if this seminar (which promised us “everything we wanted out of life” and “personal breakthroughs”) was really everything its participants said it was.
In a way, they were right.
I learned that most, if not all, of us never live in the present. We live in the past or the future, and the baggage of our past and the anticipation of what’s going to happen in the future affect our choices today.
I learned to consider things, events, people, words just as they are—nothing more, nothing less. They only gain meaning when we color them with our own intent and personal dramas.
I learned that the everyday complaints we have about people and situations are what hinder us from moving forward. I learned that we actually are attached to those complaints and don’t want to give them up, even if we know we can and should, because we get a payoff from feeling and believing in such.
What are these payoffs? We may feel right (or righteous), we may feel powerful, or for those who like it, we may feel victimized. Whatever it is, those payoffs make us blind to what really matters: Would you rather be right, or alone? Powerful, or feared? Strong, or perennially stressed out? Victimized, or always dependent on other people’s perceptions of you?
I learned about choices, how they’re different from decisions, and how you can make your life work by re-making your choices every day—or unmaking them with the same commitment if your life isn’t working.
I learned how to “complete” things and issues with other people; and how to feel complete with incompletions if the other person wasn’t yet in the right space to allow that completion.
I even learned that the simple formula of context-breakdown-breakthrough could be applied to almost anything (in fact, it’s one of the formulas I give to younger writers if they ask for story guidelines).
These may sound simple, and I learned so much more from this basic seminar, that I enrolled in the Advanced Course, and later, the Leadership Course. As I am not a trained Forum Leader and one blog entry can’t encapsulate everything the seminar has to offer, it would be unfair for me to expound more.
There are some who get addicted to seminars like these, though, and when that happens, their self-improvement goals become counter-productive. Self-enhancement programs are meant to enable you to stand on your own; they’re not meant to become a crutch.
I stopped being actively involved in those seminars in 2006. Life continued, but this time I was equipped with tools I needed to deal with certain aspects of it; to transform the way I previously handled problems and issues. I don’t use all of them all at once, and sometimes I forget to use them at all, but they’re there when I choose to pull them out, and so far they’ve served me well. “We already know that,” skeptics will say about seminars like these. “We just need a reminder.”
True, but it takes a bit of humility to be open to those reminders; and a bit more to actually accept them. Don’t get me wrong—this isn’t an advertisement for you to go out and sign up for the first self-enhancement class you encounter. Those opportunities for self-improvement can come in different forms, and at the right time.
Meanwhile, be willing to be nudged, to consider another person’s perspective— an external voice, if you will—to make you realize your “blind spots” and help you bloom.
Be willing to do the unthinkable.
![Mapping Me]()
by rossanahead | Sep 3, 2011 | career, Education, Jing Lejano, woman
By Jing Lejano
The other week, I attended a mind mapping workshop with my friends from AHEAD Tutorial & Review Center. I’ve always been fascinated with this thinking tool, which challenges the user to think in a more free form manner.
I’m a writer and when I think, I do so in a linear fashion: one line after the next. In my planner, you’d see all sorts of lists, written neatly one bullet after another. Whenever I’d get one task done, I’d just put a little check beside the bullet and feel all good.
Whenever I’d see these mind maps that go every which way, I get a little intimidated. I ask myself, could I possibly think every which way like that as well?
But as Teacher Y explained mind mapping more clearly, I calmed down. Draw pictures. Use colors. Make the map that makes sense to you, she told us. It’s your map, she says, and you’re free wherever you want to go.
After the lecture, she asked each of us to make a mind map of who we are. At first, I didn’t know what to do but once I started drawing and doodling, there was no stopping me. It was like a whole new world opened up in that blank piece of paper. And it was liberating.
My map, which showed all the different roles that I play in my everyday life, looked a little cluttered and crazy, but it also seemed like a lot of fun. But more importantly, I realized that it was I who drew the map of my own life, and I am happy to be living it.
by rossanahead | Aug 30, 2011 | children, Education, family, parenting, Ruth M. Floresca
By Ruth Manimtim-Floresca
Recently, a newspaper article posted online caught the attention of many Filipinos and caused a lot of debates in cyberspace. The writer talked about preferring the English language because, according to him, “while Filipino may be the language of identity, it is the language of the streets. It might have the capacity to be the language of learning, but it is not the language of the learned.”
How sad that this person, who happened to be a Filipino, could belittle his own country’s mother tongue! Yes, it can’t be denied that we should know how to speak, read, and write in English because it serves its purpose when it comes to having a good education and better employment. But to point out that learning Filipino is only important because it is practical; that it is simply what you need to use when you are “forced” to relate to the tinderas, the manongs, and the katulongs of this world, is highly insulting.
I am not against children learning one or more languages. Learning other languages can have its advantages. In fact, since we now live in multicultural societies and are also citizens of the world, we need to be able to communicate with people from various geographical locations. Nevertheless, it is important for Filipinos to develop literacy in our mother tongue as well as take pride in the culture of the country we call home.
In my opinion, learning new languages should be viewed as a means to become more aware and respectful of other people’s beliefs, customs, and culture; not as a reason to turn one’s back to where one has come from. Parents thus need to encourage their kids to keep and improve literacy in our mother tongue while teaching them to respect other cultures too.
Here are some ways parents can promote Filipino literacy in their children:
- Even if you want your children to be fluent in English, don’t ban the use of Filipino in your home. For instance, avoid requiring house helpers to only speak to your children in English especially if the helpers are not well-versed in the foreign language in the first place.
- Spend time every day helping your child read and write in Filipino. I usually hear a lot of parents complain that their kids always get low grades in subjects that use the mother tongue. Why not do something more concrete about it?
- Expose your kids to high quality Filipino movies, TV shows, and children’s books written in Filipino. People who say there are no good Filipino films or shows apparently haven’t seen a Cinemalaya film or watched excellent documentary series like i-Witness or Storyline. Buy children’s books written by Filipino authors. Many of these come with both English and Tagalog versions in the same volume.
- Share stories of your childhood including traditions and customs you grew up with. Encourage children to ask questions and find out more interesting things to talk with you about.
- Have kids spend time with their grandparents for more stories. Periodically bring them to your family’s province and meet distant relatives. Visit historical sites around the country so they could learn our country’s origins first hand.
- Teach children old songs from different regions. Bring them to concerts (e.g. Ang Bagong Harana) and theater plays (e.g. Noli Me Tangere or Rizal X) with Filipino themes. Do not discourage them from listening to OPM music with Filipino lyrics because we have so many talented artists who write beautiful words and melodies.
Nelson Mandela once said, “If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.” Our native language connects us with our society’s culture and shapes our identity. It is one of the best instruments that preserve who we are as Filipinos. May we never forget that.
by rossanahead | Aug 18, 2011 | children, Education, family, Lyra Pore, parenting, woman
By Lyra Pore
“Mom, are you going to have another baby?”
“No.”
“How do you know?”
“We can’t afford another baby.”
“Mom, you don’t have to buy it! You just pop the baby out of your tummy!”
To my seven-year-old daughter, having a baby is but a simple matter. Several years ago when there were only two children in the family, she pointed to the empty seats around the dining table. “Maybe we should have another baby,” she said, “so someone can sit on that chair.”
Indeed we’ve had one more baby since she uttered those words. Not really to fill empty chairs in our dining room, but because we always found joy in having children around the house.
We broke the news to the girls in the park. “We’re having a baby,” their dad told them as we all sat around a picnic table next to the playground.
“Are they going to cut up your tummy in the hospital?” They asked. “Or are you going to pee and the baby comes out?”
“I’m going to pee,” I said. I’ve had two natural deliveries and was expecting the third to be the same.
“Is she going to have blond hair and blue eyes? Some of our classmates have blond hair.”
“We can’t have a blond-haired baby.”
“How come?”
“Well, Daddy and I are Filipinos and Filipinos have black hair.”
When the baby finally arrived, the girls came to visit us at the hospital. They looked at her lovingly as she slept in her bassinet.
“Can she speak English?”
“Not yet. Newborn babies just cry. They have some growing up to do before they can talk.”
“Can she eat sinigang?”
“Not yet. But someday she will.”
by rossanahead | Aug 13, 2011 | children, family, Karen Galarpe, parenting, woman
By Karen Galarpe
“Oh look, it’s Domo-kun!” I said, pointing to stuffed toys of the brown Japanese character at Toy Con 2011, the annual toy convention recently held at SM Megamall. “And Angry Birds, and lots of anime characters. Do they have Lucky Star?”
Yup, that’s me talking. Thanks to my son’s interest in Japanese anime, I am not so unfamiliar with what some kids and teens are into these days. When Miley Cyrus was in town recently, someone in the office asked, “Does Miley Cyrus have a lot of fans?” And I said, “Hello? Hannah Montana!”
And when the video of that 4-year-old Fil-Am boy singing a Warbler song a la Darren Criss on “Glee” became viral, someone in the office again said he’s not familiar with the song as he doesn’t watch “Glee”.
I know who Miley Cyrus is, and I watch “Glee.” And “Lucky Star.” And some years back, “High School Musical” and “Gundam Seed Destiny.”
I try to make time to get to know what kids today like because it’s a way to bond and build relationships with today’s generation.
I know I’m not alone in this mission because when Taylor Swift was here a few months ago, two of my friends watched the concert with their daughters and their daughters’ friends. And they realized Taylor is really a great performer and a good role model for today’s kids.
Same thing when Justin Bieber arrived in Manila this year. Guess who were photographed with preteens and teens in the crowd? Their parents.
What is your child into? Find out, get into it yourself, and in the process get to know your child more.
Since my son loves cars, I have seen my share of auto shows and even drift competitions from which I have come home smelling like burnt rubber. Is it worth it, grime and all? It is. Our children are priceless, and time spent with them is valuable.
