by rossanahead | Jul 21, 2011 | career, children, family, Gina Abuyuan, parenting, woman
By Regina Abuyuan
Readers of this blog who are connected with me through Facebook have probably been keeping tabs on the latest adventure of my wonky life. With D and another friend, R, I recently opened a pub in Cubao X. It’s called Fred’s (after D’s grandfather, a drinking stalwart who was also into cigars; coincidentally, R’s and my maternal grandfathers were also named Fred, and both carried their drink and smokes more than well). It’s been weeks of very late nights (er, early mornings) for me, which had me behind the bar serving drinks, wiping down tables, and cleaning ashtrays. I have great respect for waitresses and barmaids now. Their job is exhausting and murder on the feet and legs.
For more than a week straight, I packed my kids off to my mom’s (God bless grandmas!), and prayed they wouldn’t be any trouble.
They were.
Well, at least my twins were. My daughter behaved as she always does—responsible, quiet, obedient. My absence had taken its toll on the twins. My mom and her househelp tell me they frequently fight, watch too much TV, and fall asleep with the TV on. One day, when I had nicked enough time to drive by and check on them, they exasperatedly said, in unison: “Finally!”
When I got ready to leave again, Mateo handed me the piece of origami he had made (he likes making me these things; my bedside table is littered with them). “I made this for you, Mommy.”
My heart almost broke with guilt.
Their teachers have told me their behavior has changed in school, as well. Mateo’s on the verge of being a bully; Marco is his usual cool self—but probably more cool than expected, which is also reason for alarm.
I swore I would never allow myself to feel this way again, to let any situation let me feel this way again. But the universe likes to play jokes on us sometimes, and just as we think we’re free, an opportunity comes where we have to give up something to attain something. I feel especially guilty because the twins have gotten the brunt of these choices; the first was when I was putting up a new magazine when they were only three years old, and now, this.
Is it worth it, you may ask? I don’t know yet. But at least now, being part-owner of something I created, I also have the power to choose how much time I put in our venture, and how much control I’m willing to take—or give up.
I’ve not had a late night in the pub since Friday, and I attended the twins’ emergency preparedness workshop on Saturday (another advocacy I’m involved in). I’m trying to regain what I lost over the past weeks: Balance. It’s what all mothers strive for. It’s the law of the universe; the law of Mother Nature herself, who knows just how and when to tip the scales this way and that.
Wish me luck!
by rossanahead | Jul 19, 2011 | children, family, parenting, woman
By Catherine Deen
Like most first-time parents, my husband and I were extremely protective of our firstborn. During his first three years of life, he slept with us in the master bedroom. From a crib, he graduated to our bed, then later on, to a small fold-out bed of his own. While he had a room of his own, which housed his toys, books, clothes, and other items, his bed was stored and used in our room.
Although not uncommon, this is a less-than-ideal sleeping arrangement for many families. Yes, we may have saved on electric bills since we only needed to use one air conditioner, but it did not create an independent spirit in our son. This sleeping arrangement also resulted in our personal loss of privacy and couple time. As you can imagine, neither my husband nor I appreciated this.
When our son turned three, my husband and I discussed how to transition him into sleeping in his own room. We were very concerned about separation anxiety and thought carefully about how to implement the transition. Ultimately, we decided to turn the experience into a “surprise,” hoping that the “fun factor” would assist in the transition process.
First, we cleaned his room. Second, we secured his bed prominently in his room, strategically placing some of his favorite toys on the bed. Third, we put up educational posters—numbers, letters, good manners, parts of the body, and others—around his room. When the room was finally ready, we called him up and nervously announced, “Son, welcome to your room!”
We were busy preparing a surprise but the surprise was on us! Imagine our amazement when our son responded, “Oh my! I had been dreaming of having my own room!” He then proceeded to enter and OWN his room!
My husband and I looked at each other, dumbfounded. The whole time, we thought our son would have a hard time, but as it turned out, he had been ready and waiting for it for a long time.
That evening, our son slept in his room all by himself and without supervision. There was no need to even stay with him to lull him to sleep. Our little man was ready to be by himself. Throughout the night, we found ourselves a bit lonely in our room without our son. Laughable as it may seem, we found ourselves going back and forth from our bedroom to his to check on him several times that evening.
In this scenario, who had separation anxiety?! Ironically, it was not the son but the parents!
This significant parenting experience taught me one of the greatest lessons in parenting that I still practice today. Indeed, our primary role as parents is to prepare our children to face life on their own and not to overprotect them. Many times, we fear for our children’s safety and security. But, can we truly guarantee that? No. Cliché as it sounds, parenting is truly like a slightly open palm—not too tight to become stifling overprotection, yet not too loose to develop irresponsible freedom.
by rossanahead | Apr 9, 2011 | Education, Mari-an Santos, woman
By Mari-An Santos
After my last post, my parents asked why I did not mention “the swimming classes.” In our house, this is one of the most enduring stories. I cringe every time my parents recount it with such gusto and glee.
The summer when I was 8 or 9 years old, my parents enrolled me in swimming lessons at the YWCA in Manila. My parents, like most, wanted to keep me busy with extracurricular activities during summer vacation. Succeeding summers saw me taking ballet, piano, and jazz dance classes.
On this particular vacation, my parents decided that I had to learn how to swim. If you read my previous post, you know that I was not a confident child. Putting on a swimsuit was enough to freak me out, and going out in public where people would actually see me?! That was out of the question. I’m sure I cried and wailed over this–hemming and hawing cannot even begin to describe it. Wailing and pleading and begging were probably involved.
Sure, my parents didn’t know how to swim, but they made this an argument “for,” whereas I was satisfied that if it was good enough for my parents to go this long without learning, then it was good enough for me. No dice. As a child in this debate, the “government” side won.
A few weeks in, as we were learning to breathe underwater, I swallowed a large amount of water and started wailing: “Mamamatay na ‘ko! Mamamatay na ‘ko!” (I am going to die! I am going to die!) I wanted to quit. I never wanted to get into the water again. The next day, I pleaded with my parents, but they told me I should not give up and had to finish the lessons. And so, I obediently went.
Obviously, I’m still alive. When we were in senior year of high school, I was reunited with the YWCA pool as we took our diving P. E. class there. I aced that class.
Today I swim every chance I get. And not just in the swimming pool either. I’ve done Boracay, Panglao, El Nido, Siargao, Bauang, Pagudpud, Currimao, Mactan, Dumaguete, Puerto Galera, to name a few. Of course, I have swallowed my fair share of water and I’ve smashed against some rocks. But I’m still swimming with my own two feet.
by rossanahead | Apr 6, 2011 | family, grandparenting, parenting, woman
By Bubbles Salvador
My son has quite an unusual play group. When I’m working, his 65-year-old Lola looks after him. Sometimes, Luis spends an hour or two next door with his 19-year-old cousin. He also likes playing photographer to his 91-year-old great-grandmother, whom he calls Sweetheart.
How these lolas manage to care for such an active toddler during the day is beyond me. But Luis is such an Energizer bunny – I bet he gives his lolas all the energy they need.
Anyone who’s ever known a grandmother will agree with me: It is a blessing to be around them. Apart from Sweetheart, Luis has both lolas from my husband’s side and mine. He also has a very doting Lolo who often comes to see him in the morning – but I’ll save that for a different day.
I remember my own lolas – Viola and Nene, who both lived past 90. From Viola, who was an Olympic athlete and a school principal, I learned that women can succeed both at work and at home. Nene, on the other hand, was a farmer’s wife whose life taught me the value of hard work.
Luis may not realize it now but his grandmothers are teaching him life lessons even without them knowing it. Respect and compassion – these are values that we can teach only by doing. No school can teach that as effectively as when kids learn it at home.
So while my son may just be having fun play dates with his grandmothers, he is also learning that Sweetheart needs help when going down the stairs, that my mom’s wheel chair needs to be pushed by someone else, and that his Lola could use some help putting away his toys after playing.
The part where he makes his lolas super happy by showing off his crazy antics? It’s just a happy bonus.
by rossanahead | Mar 18, 2011 | Education, Gina Abuyuan, parenting, woman
By Gina Abuyuan
Previously, I mentioned the amount of parent involvement non-traditional schools may require—self-imposed field trips, for once, have been de rigueur for me since my twins started a blended school program. But even if you don’t feel obliged to organize little jaunts for you and your kids, taking a simple trip to a restaurant (and I’m not talking the usual fastfood joint), or a much bigger production such as an out-of-town weekender, can still be both education and not just fun.
Now that summer’s here, you can have more reasons to make every moment a moment of learning for your kids. It’s not difficult—all it takes is a little effort, time, money (but not so much as you would spend going to, say, Boracay), and the readiness to venture beyond the comfort zones of the malls.
Here are some suggestions:
* North of Manila, try Bulacan. In Plaridel, there is the memorial to Juan Evangelista, Pablo Maniquiz, and other Filipino revolutionaries that resisted the U.S. army that annexed the Philippines a century and a decade ago. This is a favorite of author Red Constantino and wife, Kala, and their kids Rio, 12, and Luna, 10. A history essayist, he’s big on historical sites, especially those that celebrate national pride. He also suggests Malolos, which has the Barasoain Church. Malolos also has Casa Real, which houses the printing press that published revolutionary papers during the days of the Philippine Republic. You can also visit the Bautista home on Kamestisuhan Street, a grand old house built during the Spanish period.
(Within Manila, there is Casa Manila in Intramuros, where I took my own kids, where I spoke myself harsh reading the markers to my seven-year-old twin boys, and encouraging them to imagine how life might have been like in those times.)
* Bulacan also has Biak na Bato National Park in San Miguel and the historic Real de Cacarong in Pandi.
* Southbound, try the Viaje del Sol route (viajedelsol.org, a tour that covers Laguna, Quezon, and Batangas). You can cover Ugu Bigyan’s pottery studio and garden (although if you have rambunctious, hard-to-handle kids, you might want to skip this) or go to Café San Luis at the foot of Mt. Banahaw for trekking, a visit to the waterfalls, and coffee. You can spend the night in either of those places or drive back towards Laguna and check in at Casa San Pablo (casasanpablo.com), run by the genteel Alcantara family.
* Liliw, Laguna is only an hour away. If you’re churchgoers, you can hear mass at its great old church or go shoe-shopping. Everything is priced rock-bottom and made well. I once bought a pair of slippers there that were pretty enough to wear to a beach wedding, and they lasted me a couple of years.
* Closer to Manila is Pinto Museum in Antipolo (formerly Pinto Gallery, a beautiful place and collection of artwork lovingly put together by renowned patron Dr. Joven Cuanang). As with all museums, noise and boisterous play is discouraged, so brief your kids first before entering.
As I said, anything can be a learning experience for kids, particularly a trip to an art gallery. The Pinto Museum presents talking points about art of all kinds—installation, sculpture, modern, mixed media. Allow them to be slightly creeped-out by the antique wooden icons in the small chapel; overwhelmed by those in the big works gallery (built around equally-gigantic stumps of ancient boulders); and question Elmer Borlongan’s take on the human figure.
* You can also try Seven Suites Hotel and Observatory in Hollywood Hills, Sumulong Highway, Antipolo. Its resident astronomer, Ramon Acevedo, is eager to teach and talk to kids about the stars and planets, and there’s nothing that gets him sadder than seeing cloudy skies and kids’ faces fall when they’re told the giant telescope won’t work under zero visibility.
I guess the important thing for parents to remember is that no matter where you go—your favorite mall, your own garden, Disneyland, the beach—show interest so they too, will gain interest. Keep judgments and biases to yourself; allow them to express their own opinions. Let the conversation and questions flow. I guarantee you, the fun and learning experience will be shared by both you AND your kids!
Photo by Kevin Delvecchio on Unsplash
