by rossanahead | Apr 26, 2011 | children, family, Karen Galarpe, parenting, woman
By Karen Galarpe
I felt it first early this month when I woke up at past 6 in the morning with the sunlight peeking through the blinds. Ah…it’s summer. And what a glorious day: I had 8 hours of sleep and no one had to rush that morning!
For years whenever it’s school season, I would wake up at 5 a.m. while it’s still dark outside to have a few minutes of quiet time before my son wakes up for school.
Then the frenzy starts as breakfast and baon for recess and lunch are prepared, schoolbag is checked, missing items searched for, both student and driver (me at times) get dressed, etc.
After the mad rush, it’s fulfilling to have my son out the door in time to make it to class without being late.
Some years ago, I interviewed an American psychologist who was a guidance counselor at an international school in Manila. And she said there are three times in a day when parents should be around as much as possible for their children: one, when a child leaves for school; two, when a child comes home from school; and three, when a child is about to go to bed.
Busy parents may not have the luxury of time to be there at all three times, but two is good, and one is better than zero.
So, back to summer. With school out, it’s a more laid-back lifestyle for moms, with time to read, play with the dogs, check out new places, catch up on sleep, and just relax–in the cool company of one’s kids. The living is easy. Life is good. Enjoy summer!
by rossanahead | Apr 25, 2011 | children, family, parenting, Ruth M. Floresca, woman
By Ruth Manimtim-Floresca
“Clouds that move across the skies are changing form before our very eyes…Have we outgrown our Peter Pans and wings? We’ve simply grown too old for tales of knights and kings. Cause life’s a constant change and nothing stays the same …”
I have always loved Jose Mari Chan’s compositions – they’re so poetic, very meaningful, and have wonderful melodies. My roommate in college had Chan’s albums and I would often borrow them to listen and unwind to. Up to now, thanks to his soothing voice and beautiful music, I feel peaceful every time I hear his songs. The poet in me appreciates the way he had strung words together to come up with thought-provoking lines.
Often I would find myself mulling over the lyrics of “Constant Change.” There is so much truth behind those words. More and more, I see grownups no longer having time to enjoy the simple things in life; adults who wouldn’t dare have fun walking under the rain without an umbrella or people over their 20’s who would never let themselves be caught sitting on a park swing flying with such joyous abandon. Nowadays, most grownups seem content to lead their busy lives, acting on what they think of as adult behavior and missing out on a lot!
I’ve found out that having kids is one great way to relive one’s childhood. In fact, I know people who became more laidback and “cool” when they got to be parents. As the song says, we shouldn’t let go of the capacity to have fun in childlike ways. In my case, enjoyment of life didn’t diminish but was amplified when my four sons entered the world.
To date, I can proudly say I know around 50 or so Barney songs. I can recite the titles of shows (and even sing their theme songs!) in most of the cable kiddie channels. Quiz me about Spongebob and High School Musical and I’d probably answer everything correctly. And yes, I tap my toes too when my teenagers listen to songs by Boys Like Girls or Hale, and whenever they watch Glee. I can even beat them on some computer games!
A friend of mine and her husband take time during weekends to play games like patintero with their three children. From what I see, they are a family whose bonding got better and better because the kids know that their parents understand them and are willing to go down to kid-level to show their love.
Sure, we do change. Everyone changes. But wouldn’t we be happier to go changing for the better without losing sight of the things we enjoyed when we were children? Lick an ice cream cone, turn cartwheels, or giggle like a preschooler. Bring out that child inside of you right now. No matter your age, you will never be too old not to be able to! In return, I’ll bet you’ll get to smile more often. I do.
by rossanahead | Apr 23, 2011 | children, Education, family, Gina Abuyuan, parenting, woman
By Gina Abuyuan
Many people find it strange—nay, downright unbelievable—that my ex-husband and I are on good terms. As I wrote in one of my old magazines, it’s almost impossible to salvage positive feelings about a person who has caused you unimaginable pain.
For a time, even my fiancé, believing that it would be in my best interest, thought I should cut off all ties with my ex-husband.
It’s impossible, of course, considering we have twin boys between us, and I’d like him to be a part of the twins’ lives and vice versa. Besides, there’s the practical stuff like tuition fees, medical expenses, and extra-curricular activities to discuss—so wouldn’t things be easier if everyone just got along nicely?
I quote Brooke Burke of ModernMom.com when she talks of her own relationship with her ex: “We decided to take the high road for the kids.”
Two years ago, I coined a term for this sort of relationship: “co-parenting.” Does everyone believe in this? No. Is it for everyone? No. But if you’d like to try and make things easier for you, your ex-spouse, and your kids, here are three jump off points:
Get third party help. Both of you should see a psychologist, therapist, counselor, or join a self-development workshop or seminar (don’t get addicted, though, or else the seminars will drive your life, and leave you dependent and disempowered). I recommend Bicbic Medez of the RCW Foundation (which also has short courses on re-grouping and getting clear on where you want to take your life). Call (2) 436-0710 or 426-6832or visit www.rcwfi.org for more details. Maribel Dionisio of The Love Institute (loveinstitute.multiply.com) can also help. As the organization’s name connotes, it helps couples and families heal, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll try to get you and your ex back together. Just be honest and open about what kind of relationship you’d like to re-create.
Take charge of the transformation. The real change has to come from within you. My ex-husband and I had countless fights and misunderstandings before achieving this sense of harmony and peace. Those blow-ups began because we felt the other was over-stepping boundaries, assuming the worst of the other, and thinking the one “should’ve known” or “should’ve known better.” Remember, the issues you’re supposed to be focusing on now aren’t about the two of you: they’re about your kids. Let me be extreme about it: Talk like you’re talking business, but learn to negotiate nicely. Get sticky issues like expenses, schooling, schedules/holidays out of the way. But learn to be flexible too.
Agree on the non-negotiables. Here are some things you can let slide: what foods they’ll eat, what they wear, what sports they take up. Here are some of the things my ex-husband and I will not budge on: a holistic, exceptional education and life experiences, their freedom to explore their spirituality later on, addressing immediately any circumstance or individual that hurts them (e.g., on two occasions, I let go of two drivers, on the spot, within minutes of learning they made my kids cry—the first, by driving too fast and the second, by cracking a cruel joke. I didn’t even allow them back in the house or subdivision to pack up their things). Harsh? Maybe. But we want to reassure them that though Mommy and Tatay are no longer married, we’re still part of the same team when it comes to them.
by rossanahead | Apr 23, 2011 | children, family, Mari-an Santos, Uncategorized, woman
By Mari-An C. Santos
My mother turned 60 last month. But looking at her, you wouldn’t have guessed it. Her hair is still jet black and her face hardly has any wrinkles. Her voice is clear and she walks with sure-footed steps. I usually associate 60-year-olds with grandmothers. But my mother is not a grandmother. (Don’t remind her though–she might decide to take it up with me and my sister.) She is a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, aunt.
Everyone says we look alike. I always say I got my looks from her but my temperament from my father.
Mama always worries about what to cook for the next meal, that I have a complete first aid kit for my trip, and that our balikbayan relatives have everything they need. Whenever I come home to Manila, we always have these long mother-daughter talks. Aside from telling me about the interesting things that happened around the household, she tells me about her past. That’s how I found out about the time when she went up to Baguio all by herself to meet my father. But since they didn’t talk about where and when they’d meet, Mama had to go to different places until they finally, literally, found each other.
She told me about the first time she came to Manila all the way from Zamboanga. Mama was a nurse and had come to the “big, bad city” to work. Save for her older sister, she did not know anyone in Manila. She stayed at a boarding house and worked the graveyard shift at a small hospital, treating people at odd hours for the most bizarre injuries.
These were revelations to me. My mother, who’s usually escorted by my father, commuting a very long distance for an undetermined date? My mother, who’s always with someone, alone?
I’ve known my mother all my life but it seems that I do not really know her. Listening to her stories, I realized that we have a lot more in common than I had previously thought.
I look forward to many more years of getting to know my Mama better.
by rossanahead | Apr 20, 2011 | children, Education, family, Karen Galarpe, parenting
By Karen Galarpe
Walking into my room one time, a friend said, “Do you read all these books?”
And one time, my aunt came in, looked at my son’s bookshelf and said, “Ang dami niyang libro ‘no?”
We’re a family of readers, my son and I, and have been so for as long as I can remember.
Growing up, I buried my nose in books during vacations, and during school season, I would be in the school library almost every day. I felt a certain kind of high filling out my library card for the year in just a few months, and requesting a crisp new one to last me the next 3 months.
My books of choice when I was growing up were varied: fairy tales in the early grades, then Enid Blyton, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, and Bobbsey Twins later on.
By the time I was in high school, I was into Sweet Dreams, Sweet Valley High, Mills and Boon, even Barbara Cartland romances. But my mom said I should read better stuff, so I shifted to John Steinbeck and books about the Holocaust and the Nazis.
The reading bug continued to bite me while in college, and today, I have to read a book every day no matter how busy I am. Sometimes, just 10 to 15 minutes a day, or a chapter, would do. Having an hour to read is bliss to me.
My reading choices today have become wider: from parenting and personal finance to history, fiction, Christian living, psychology, food, arts, et cetera.
With my son, I have started reading to him while he was still in my tummy. As a baby, he would look at the images I would point out at the board books we would read every day. It also became a ritual for us to read a storybook at night before he went to sleep.
Among the books we would read over and over again when he was small were “Ang Ambisyosong Istetoskop” by Luis Gatmaitan, a story about Jose Rizal’s stethoscope; a book on American presidents; a book series about Lego toys; an atlas; and so much more.
Today, his books have gone more eclectic, from “1984” by George Orwell to books about politics, history, cars, and manga.
To make your child enjoy reading, you have to enjoy reading yourself. When a child sees how much joy you derive at reading and learning, he will gravitate to reading himself. And as Dr. Seuss said, “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”
by rossanahead | Apr 10, 2011 | career, family, woman
By Jane Santos-Guinto
Epiphany has got to be one of my favorite words. Directly translated from Greek epiphaneia, it means “Vision of God.” It’s also the ‘formal name’ of the Feast of the 3 Kings, which is celebrated on the first Sunday after the New Year. In lay man’s (secular) terms, epiphany is a sudden realization–brought about by an inspiring moment, a burst of intuition, or possibly for others, by booze.
Epiphany can come in the unlikeliest of places, the most inconvenient of times. Among my best epiphanies have come while driving along the congested roads of Quezon City (the Philippines’ largest) and at home at two or three in the morning.
These past months I’ve been praying for new epiphanies. You see, I’ve been finding it pretty hard to be 30. My normally busy thoughts border on insane sometimes. I’ve questioned and questioned. And I’ve answered and answered.
Finally, after practically two weeks of hibernation (translated: mental torture), I’ve been led to the following “manifestations:”
(1) I can never be a housewife. I can only do housework if and only when I am happy with my “real” job.
(2) I can express my love to my husband, my mom, my sister, my grandparents, and to everyone else around me in a deeper, truer way when I am really happy with myself and what I’m doing.
(3) I want to write and speak about God.
One of my creative writing professors told me that reflective writing isn’t creative writing. For a long time, I held this as fact. But then, who can outdo us in creativity but the Creator Himself?
I’m hoping this blog’s readers aren’t my professor’s ‘disciples’.
